Love in the Time of Therapy Talk: Are We Dating or Diagnosing?

Dating today, packed with therapy lingo and computer-led matches was recently studied in a New York Times article. It begs the question: Are we making love's search more confusing? Are we falling in love or falling into therapy? It might be time to remember the useful lessons from the Gottman Method, a guide backed by research to help us understand, improve and build our relationships.

The New York Times took a close look at today's dating scene, and it showed something interesting: love and therapy speak are mixing. Words like "love bombing," "gaslighting," and "trauma bonding" are slipping into our dating talk, changing how we see and judge potential partners. With this new trend, it might be a good time to revisit what Drs Julie and John Gottman's "Eight Dates" teaches us about relationships.

The book "Eight Dates" helps us to grasp the science behind why we fall for someone. Attraction can be puzzling, but Gottman´s science based framework can help us make sense of things like chemistry, why opposites attract, and how dating apps can make things tricky. This understanding lays the groundwork for real connection, an idea that resonates with today's trend of using mental health terms in dating. Gottman's research tells us that true connection comes from understanding and responding, or fine-tuning, to each other's feelings. But today's focus on therapy buzzwords in dating could turn this crucial part of bonding into an act.

Moreover, "Eight Dates" gives us a toolkit based on science. This toolkit helps guide us through important talks that can strengthen love. Today's trend of using therapy terms in dating, as the New York Times article points out, can make serious emotional abuse seem less important or cause unnecessary problems. Labeling behaviors too quickly as "gaslighting" or "love bombing" can block a relationship's growth. Instead, the Gottman approach encourages good vibes, closeness, and the joy of connecting, which are key to long-lasting relationships. Gottman shows us practical ways to keep the conversation going also when we talk about topics like dreams, trust, money and so on.

Finally, "Eight Dates" stresses the need to create shared dreams, values, and stories — our own dance routine. While focusing on our own mental health in dating is important, it shouldn't hide the journey we take together. Couples “write” the shared story of their relationship. Dating isn't a solo act, but a duet that needs synchronized moves and rhythms.

Conclusion

As we mix therapy talk into our dating chats, let's remember the timeless relationship lessons from the Gottman method and "Eight Dates". Modern dating, according to Gottman, isn't just about showing off our emotional intelligence or quickly labeling behaviors. It's about creating shared meaning, fun and joy, and real emotional connections. It's about listening to the rhythm of our dance together and moving in sync to create a unique performance of understanding and connection. It's high time we put on our dancing shoes and follow the steps Gottman suggests.

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