--- title: "Forty and Free: Lonely Blues or Groovy Tune?" description: More people are putting off getting married. The Gottman Method has 3 insights worth considering. image: https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/unnamed.png --- [Skip to the main content.](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#main-content) [![New Gottman Logo from eps](https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/New%20Gottman%20Logo%20from%20eps.svg "New Gottman Logo from eps")](https://www.gottman.com) [![Gottman New Logo Transparent](https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/Gottman%20New%20Logo%20Transparent.svg "Gottman New Logo Transparent")](https://www.gottman.com) - [Couples](https://www.gottman.com/couples/) - [Adviser](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser/) - [Conflict](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-conflict/) - [Intimacy](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-intimacy/) - [Love](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-love/) - [Parents](https://www.gottman.com/parenting/) - [Singles](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-for-singles/) - [Professionals](https://www.gottman.com/professionals/) - [Blog](https://www.gottman.com/blog/) Toggle Menu Toggle Menu - [Couples *Toggle Menu*](https://www.gottman.com/couples/) - [Adviser](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser/) - [Conflict](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-conflict/) - [Intimacy](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-intimacy/) - [Love](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-relationship-adviser-love/) - [Parents](https://www.gottman.com/parenting/) - [Singles](https://www.gottman.com/gottman-for-singles/) - [Professionals](https://www.gottman.com/professionals/) - [Blog](https://www.gottman.com/blog/) [*Facebook*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) [*Instagram*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) [*LinkedIn*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) [*Twitter*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) [*Youtube*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) [*Medium*](https://info.gottman.com/view/forty-and-free-lonely-blues-or-groovy-tune#0) 1 min read # Forty and Free: Lonely Blues or Groovy Tune? [Alexander Elguren](https://info.gottman.com/view/author/alexander-elguren) July 3, 2023 [Home](https://info.gottman.com/) › [Articles](https://info.gottman.com/view) › Forty and Free: Lonely Blues or Groovy Tune? About [25% of all 40-year-olds](https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/01/us/record-number-of-40-year-olds-never-married-trnd/index.html)have skipped the wedding march. Quite a leap from a modest 6% in the 1980's! This dance around the importance of getting married keeps changing. The Gottman Method offers fresh beats for this dance. Our societal song has three unique verses: 1. **A verse about "me" before "we"**. Gottman doesn’t preach self-perfection before partnership. It hums a simpler tune: know yourself, your partner, to harmonize better with others. More 40-year-olds are hitting pause. They're learning their rhythm before joining another's. This could be a leap, not a step back, towards healthier relationships. 2. **The cohabitation verse**. 22% of the never-married share living space. They're dancing together, minus the wedding rings. This matches Gottman's song: *shared meaning matters more than marital labels*. 3. **A verse about education**. Degree holders seem to marry more. But Gottman’s song tells us love isn't learned from textbooks. Trust, admiration, and conflict handling - these skills aren't something you can learn in a boring lecture hall. But fear not! Anyone can master them with a little practice and determination. Marriage research, without the influence of moral judgments, sheds light on the benefits: married individuals often live longer lives, have improved mental health, and have greater financial stability. It's a harmonious dance with positive rhythms, but only if dancers follow Gottman's advice and listen to each other's melodies. #### Conclusion The marital dance sees more solo movers. But through Gottman's lens, it's not about lonely blues but finding the right groove. For half a century, Gottman's famous studies have crafted a toolbox. It's filled with nifty tricks anyone can use. They help us tune into each other, and harmonize better. A timeless rhythm for the dance of life. So whether seen as a freedom song or a solitary tune, it's all about the richness of connection, understanding, and the dance of relationships. Are you in this 40 and Never Married category? Please share your experiences below. ###### Topics [ROMANCE](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/romance) - [Tweet](https://twitter.com/share) [![Love in the Time of Therapy Talk: Are We Dating or Diagnosing?](https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/Email%20Blog%20Images/Blog_Dating%20a%20Man%2016%20Years%20Younger%20Forced%20Me%20to%20Grow%20Up_600x300.jpg)](https://info.gottman.com/view/love-in-the-time-of-therapy-talk-are-we-dating-or-diagnosing) 2 min read #### [Love in the Time of Therapy Talk: Are We Dating or Diagnosing?](https://info.gottman.com/view/love-in-the-time-of-therapy-talk-are-we-dating-or-diagnosing) [Alexander Elguren](https://info.gottman.com/view/author/alexander-elguren) : July 4, 2023 Dating today, packed with therapy lingo and computer-led matches was recently studied in a New York Times article. It begs the question: Are we... 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[COMMUNICATION](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/communication) [ROMANCE](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/romance) [LOVE](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/love) [Read More](https://info.gottman.com/view/the-relationship-science-behind-lekker-niksen) [![Unboxing a Doll’s House](https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/926442909_barbie-poster-2.jpg)](https://info.gottman.com/view/barbie-in-gottmanland-unboxing-a-dolls-house-transformed) 3 min read #### [Unboxing a Doll’s House](https://info.gottman.com/view/barbie-in-gottmanland-unboxing-a-dolls-house-transformed) [Alexander Elguren](https://info.gottman.com/view/author/alexander-elguren) : July 26, 2023 From Barbie's Playhouse to the Gottman Relationship House: A Movie Date with a Twist This summer's blockbuster movie, Greta Gerwig's “Barbie - the... [ROMANCE](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/romance) [POP CULTURE](https://info.gottman.com/view/tag/pop-culture) [Read More](https://info.gottman.com/view/barbie-in-gottmanland-unboxing-a-dolls-house-transformed) ### Sign Up for Gottman Parenting Updates [![Gottman New Logo Transparent](https://info.gottman.com/hubfs/Gottman%20New%20Logo%20Transparent.svg)](https://www.gottman.com/) - [Privacy Policy](https://www.gottman.com/privacy-and-hipaa-policy/) © 2026 Gottman, Inc. 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